A D20 is a 20 sided dice. The numbers are what you roll on it.
I wrote this for a friends bday. and thought it turned out well.
Roll a D20
IF you roll a 20
Happy birthday, the mountains
shout and beautiful women flock to your house hourly bringing figs and wines
and cute edible puppies. You parents
also just bought you an island, which, has a fully functioning armory and missile
battery that can reach 4 of the seven continents.
If you roll a 15-19
A talking horse, carries you away on a magical carpet ride. You are treated to the sights of Indiana, you
even have a variety of corn named after you.
Your siblings all become your slaves and you rename them after various
scatological terms.
If you roll a 11-14
fairly normal day, high lights include cake, ice cream, you get more
facebook comments than ever, and a slightly better present than you were hoping
for
If you roll a 10 cake,
ice cream underwear, socks, and breakfast in bed.
If you roll a 6-9 the
cake made you sick. Hence you spend the
evening on the toilet. Which coincidently
has fungus on it. You get many fine
books and games… that you already have.
Also for some reason all the clothes you get are size xxl. Someone writes a long facebook birthday
message with very poor grammer and spelling, as if ! punctuation is an
art^^form and not a science()
If you roll a 2-5 finally the recessive gene your parents
both carry becomes manifest. .. unfortunately all it does is cause your
appendages to fall off. But at least
torso boy is an attractive stage name for the circus. You are strapped to the underbelly of a llama
for transport. While traveling you are
kidnapped by a strange cult in the mountains who see you as the long promised
liberator. But when you fail to liberate
they force feed you wheat and cinnamon until your gizzard is full. Then they roll your limbless body down a stony
hill into a fire pit. As you begin to
burn your cell phone falls out of your pocket and you see a text message from
your mom “hey forgot it’s your birthday, is it ok if we have Spaghetti-o’s
tonight?”
If you roll a 1 the planets
aligned and you stumble into a time warp.
You find yourself in a small farming town a cool breeze blows. The local theater is playing 3 men and a baby. You walk down the street and notice a couple
walking behind you. The woman suddenly
seems much more interested in you than her companion. And
starts following you. She is oddly
familiar. She lays on the flirting quite
heavily, you have icecream, and find yourself dancing to (I had) The time of my
life, which everyone seems to know. Half
way through the dance, you feel your body start to lose feeling. You look and appear to be fading out of
reality. The pretty lady withdraws in
horror, everything is getting more and more blurry. It’s as if your existence is being stripped
away. You fall to the floor. As the dance floor clears you see a calendar
on the Wall. December 1st,
1987. One of the pretty ladies friends
is comforting her, and you realize you never asked her name. As you slip away from existence, you hear her
friend say it. “There there Leah. It’ll be ok”